


I'm falling to pieces-Tyrus/Jyrus

by AnDimAcK_cRaCk



Series: Andi Mack ship Oneshots [13]
Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Jonah Beck, Cyrus likes Tj, Gay Cyrus Goodman, Gay T. J. Kippen, Jealous Jonah Beck, Jonah accepts that but he can't help his feelings, Jonah likes Cyrus, Jonah thinks he should change himself, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, One-sided Jonah/Cyrus Goodman, Song: Breakeven (The Script), Therapy, Tyrus Week (Andi Mack), Unrequited Crush, jyrus - Freeform, panic attack mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:08:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23161459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnDimAcK_cRaCk/pseuds/AnDimAcK_cRaCk
Summary: Jonah has realised and accepted his feelings for Cyrus but it's too late and he can feel himself breaking
Relationships: Cyrus Goodman/T. J. Kippen, Jonah Beck/Cyrus Goodman
Series: Andi Mack ship Oneshots [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1449628
Kudos: 33





	I'm falling to pieces-Tyrus/Jyrus

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing  
> Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in  
> Cause I got time while he got freedom
> 
> Cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

_"I'm downstairs if you need me"_

_"It's alright to ask for a break if it gets overwhelming"_

_"You'll be fine I promise"_

Jonah tried to suppress his nerves after hearing these words. He'd done this before. It was starting to feel okay and sort of natural but he'd only had two sessions so far.

Jonah had started going to therapy two weeks ago both sessions Cyrus attended with him for reassurance. He had been through it all with him after he's his best friend the reason he's in therapy and was able to tell his parents about his mental troubles. In fact Cyrus is the person he broke down in front of admitting he needed help.

*******

_Cyrus had been expecting a knock on the door at 6:35pm but he expected his boyfriend Tj what he opened the door too was a shaking teary-eyed Jonah that looked as if he could explode at any second._

_"Oh... Jonah hi"_

_"H-hey um... S-sorry I k-know this is sudden I-I needed to see you" The brunette stuttered out quietly_

_"Oh well Tj should be here soon but-"_

_"Tj's coming? I-I'm sorry I already interrupted your plans and in the evening...T-this was a bad idea I'll go" His voice wobbled as he abruptly turned around to leave_

_"No wait you can stay it's fine" Cyrus placed a hand on his shoulder he flinched a little which concerned him._

_Jonah suddenly had a major behaviour change over the past few months when they started high school Cyrus wanted to make sure his friend was alright he doesn't eat at lunch time he won't hang out as much as he used to he doesn't even play guitar as often anymore all Jonah's friends had been increasingly concerned for him but no one had been worried as much as Cyrus he can't remember the last time he smiled genuinely. Jonah stepped in hesitantly Cyrus closed the door and they ended up upstairs in his room._

_"What did you want to talk about?" Cyrus quizzed eagerly. Jonah couldn't look up at him like he was contemplating something in his head_

_"S-sorry I just hate myself for doing this I mean I shouldn't be putting this on you but I don't know who else to go to" He said Cyrus mouth gaped open a little from what he said_

_Jonah just said he hated_ _himself_

_"Well it's fine you shouldn't hate yourself for that-"_

_"But I do" He huffed sounding tired " I hate myself for doing this I hate myself for having panic attacks and I hate that I can't ask for help without feeling guilty-" He cut himself off I could see a lump was forming in his throat but he was forcing himself not to cry keeping it down it was painful for him and for Cyrus to watch._

_"Jonah... I don't know what you're going through but you need to let me help you I can't do anything if you don't tell me"_

_"I-I-I can't it always ends up being about me and my problems and people realise I'm not The Jonah Beck they expect me to be" He was getting more tense by the minute rubbing his hands against his knees then running them frantically through his hair trying to control an on coming panic attack but Cyrus could see it was getting the better of him_

_"Hey it's alright remain calm I'm here next to you breathe" Cyrus had gone into full psychiatrist mode Jonah hid his face in his hands shaking trying to exhale strained sobs came out his mouth as he slowed his breathing._

_"Do you want me to get you water or-" Cyrus started only for Jonah to have a small out burst of anger_

_"NO! I-I I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell" He took another deep breath putting his shaking hands in his face again "I want to be okay b-because I'm not and I don't know what to do Cyrus I'm scared" Cyrus felt his heart break for him_

_"I can't go on anymore"_

_Jonah's tears finally came streaming from his eyes onto his face he cried so loud Cyrus wanted to block his ears but he couldn't all he could do was bring him into his chest as he cried his heart out his hand stroked his hair softly. Cyrus shed tears silently watching Jonah of all people in this state was something he couldn't bare to see. Jonah fell asleep on Cyrus's chest he was visibly emotionally exhausted so Cyrus thought not to wake him and just laid him on his bed getting a better look at his tear streaked face Cyrus could see the bags under his eyes from lack of sleep at this moment Tj came over and Cyrus explained the situation he also explained to his parents and they planned to help Jonah he woke up._

_little did they know new feelings were surfacing in the green eyed boy. Feelings for his best friend._

*******

Cyrus had been great this whole time. Jonah wanted to back out but Cyrus wouldn't let him. Jonah accepted his feelings for him but Tj was a good person he didn't want to drive a gap between them so he kept quite not telling anyone but his feelings continued to rise especially the day of his first session.

*******

_Cyrus had been by Jonah's side the entire day sensing his nerves. Jonah hated that he found it cute he cared so much. He hated that even more he really didn't want to like him._

_But Cyrus made that very hard ._

_The day moved way to quick for Jonah's liking. It was already 4:30pm and he was stood in a Cyrus's house waiting for his dad to be ready Cyrus keeping a hand on his back in support the butterflies continuing to rise so much he might throw but he'd blame that on the nerves._

_"Jonah I'm ready when you are"_

_Dr. Norman Goodman said popping his head round the door Jonah nodded taking a deep breath Cyrus stood up offering a hand Jonah was aware that when he took it his face turned bright red Cyrus smiled faintly leading him into the room. It was difficult being in there it felt stuffy at times the questions got easier to answer gradually and having Cyrus there to reassure he was doing fine was helpful. Finally Dr. Goodman diagnosed him with a panic disorder and GAD (generalised anxiety disorder) and that with weekly therapy and medication he could work through it and live a perfectly normal life like he did before and that's all he wanted to feel like himself again but he found himself shedding tears at that moment Cyrus held his hand and squeezed it gently. When Dr. Goodman left to get paper to write a prescription Cyrus took his other hand._

_"Hey I am so proud of you" Cyrus beamed wiping his tears Jonah's cheeks turned red_

_"It's alright you did it Jonah I love you so much I'm always going to be hear for you" Jonah thought his heart might burst out his chest as Cyrus pulled him in for a hug he leaned in a little too much but he didn't care he took in the familiar scent of vanilla and lavender letting tears fall onto Cyrus's shoulder._

*******

Jonah was once again sat in that same office the standard conversation had been had the normal questions. Any more panic attacks? Any anxiety attacks. He started getting those and he didn't even realise all he knew was for a whole week he had this feeling of an on coming panic attack but it never came he had been shaking and crying most of the time and Dr. Goodman said he was most likely stressed with the lead up to his first therapy session. But Jonah knew that wasn't it.

"Everything's looking good Jonah you're making some good progress" Dr. Goodman smiled. Jonah didn't think so.

"Yeah.." He trailed of huffing slightly 

"I know it seems slow but you are truly doing well you only had two panic attacks this week and one panic scare that's better than before dont feel disheartened" 

"It's not that exactly..."

Jonah wasn't sure if he could talk about this I mean it's about his own son does he even know Cyrus is gay he won't mention any names just in case of course. He wouldn't want to out Cyrus or Tj in anyway like that. But he is his therapist he should be able to talk about this he's probably seen it before.

"I'm always to listen I won't judge but of course tell me what you want to tell me" He smiled 

"Okay... I have feeling for someone but they are already with someone who is a lot better for them than me but it's hard to be around them and I hate that because I love this person and having them in my life romantic or not is a blessing but it's just... hard" Jonah looked down at his feet 

"Well if it's matter of the heart honest often helps which you should be honest not for them but for your sake if they can't return those feelings that tells you it wasn't meant to be and there will be someone better waiting for you I can't promise you that much" 

Jonah wondered if he would still say those words if he knew he was referring to his own son. This advice did make Jonah feel a little better. Like he might eventually get over these feelings.

"Sometimes I feel like I need to change myself I don't know what I'm going to do this person if the best part of me they always have been" 

"Well you do not need to change yourself at all Jonah I've known you for a couple years you are a fine young man" 

"feels like I'm falling to pieces" Jonah complained rubbing his face in his hands

"And that' s okay but Jonah I promise you'll do fine without this person when you finally feel like you can move on from them you'll see how you can thrive without them. It's worth it in the long run."

This advice did make Jonah feel a little better. Like he might eventually get over these feelings.

"Thanks Dr. Goodman" Jonah said actually smiling a little.

"Please it's okay to call me Norman" He informed "Same time next week?"

"Yep I'll see you then" Jonah stood up 

"And Jonah you can always call or come and talk if you need too" He said

"I'll remember that" Jonah nodded

Walking out Jonah felt lighter he actually got to talk about his feelings not directly but he was happy with it for now. Cyrus came down the stairs to greet him. 

"Hey how are you feeling? How'd it go?" The fact he genuinely cared made Jonah smile and his ears turn a little red

"It was... alright I feel a little better" He said 

"That's good I'm really happy for you"

Cyrus clapped him on the back. Maybe Cyrus has his heart and Tj's heart and Jonah's just trying to make sense of everything and Cyrus's best days will be some of Jonah's worst. But he will be OK. Jonah had that much to hold on too.

**Author's Note:**

> What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you,  
> And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK  
> I'm falling to pieces, yeah  
> I'm falling to pieces, yeah
> 
> I'm falling to pieces


End file.
